I heard it again, what I have been hearing from so many people, from reading self-help books, and watching Oprah. I watched the last episode of American Horror Story: Coven. The part where Cordelia, while hugging her mother, Fiona, during the final minutes of her life, tells her,
“You’re scared… A divine being, finally having a human experience. No one can help you, Mother. You have to do this alone. And the only way out is through. So feel the fear and the pain. Let it all in. And then let it all go.”
So for me fear has a way of creeping in when I want to do something, just me creating this blog has been fearful. All the thoughts of not starting a blog comes rushing into my head. It’s crazy!! Like, who would read it? Who would like it? Why am I even writing this? What is the purpose? What will people think? All these self-deprecating thoughts that not only silences me in the end but stifles me and does not let me do it! I then blame it on procrastination because it is easier to do so. Oh I will do it tomorrow! Oh nobody wants to read what I have to say. So I will leave it alone and NOTHING gets done. It precedes by getting depressed because I don’t feel motivated enough and everything comes to hault. The story of my life…
I am sick of it. You know the saying, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really am!! I am tired of fear. I know it doesn’t go away but now I know I can feel it, think about it, and let it go. I want to write. I want to write because it will help me be a better writer. I write because I need to do it for me and for others. We are more alike than we are different in the end. I also write because I have a voice and it should be heard. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi, author of Americanah said, “You deserve to take up space.” So here goes nothing! Or better yet here goes everything! I am ready to change the story!!
Universe I am listening! Letting it all in and letting it go.
This is SHE!